Bromley 1-0 Torquay United

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Aug 17, 2022

The Ravens recorded their first win of the season with a smart performance against a physical Torquay side. Too physical, evidently, as Torquay’s number six, Ross Marshall, saw red for flooring Michael Cheek when he was through on goal. While Marshall was busy rinsing off his Head & Shoulders, Bromley were busy bossing the game. But it took an art-gallery-worthy Louis Dennis strike to crack The Gulls’ egg.

This was a match full of energy and atmosphere, alive with that first-Tuesday-night-under-the-lights buzz. Of course, every game has its good, bad, and ugly, but this one filled up the good column and put a spring in the step of even the bristliest Bromley fans.

The Line-up vs Torquay United

The Good

Alexander the Great. On the 16th of August 2022, 1,752 Bromley fans witnessed George Alexander put in a ‘contender for man-of-the-match’ performance. He harried, hustled, held the ball up, dribbled, drew fouls, and threw himself at every ball that came his way. As his confidence grew, he even began to bully Torquay’s sizeable number five, Ali Omar.

This must be the George Alexander that Woodman & Co. see on the training ground. I mean, it has to be, right? He hasn’t been getting in the team on match-day merit. And while assistant manager Alan Dunne and George’s dad are old Millwall mates, there’s no way they’re that good of friends.

Yes, the goals are still evading him, but if George keeps playing like that, they’ll come. My moment of the match was when, in the final moments, with Bromley seemingly about to lose possession in the Torquay half, George dribbled around three or four challenges and drew a precious free kick. Like a proud, tattooed granddad, Byron Webster ambled over to shake George’s hand and pat him on the back. It said it all. This was a performance to be proud of and one to build on.

Lapslie Left Luffing. Thomas William Cavendish Lapslie: Torquay’s squat, high-waisted, barrel-chested, black-booted number four. Throwback to a bygone era, yet somehow also that scruffy kid who turns up to your five-a-side in threadbare Puma Kings and a t-shirt he’s been wearing all day and plays around you like you’re a meaty mannequin.

Left to his own devices, Lapslie will play teams like a piano. But it’s not just his passing that dictates Torquay’s tempo. When Bromley had a mountain of momentum in the first half, and with a goal seemingly one attack away, Lapslie feigned an injury to force a tempo reset. Well played, pianist.

But, how do you stop a pianist? Shut the lid. Bromley’s midfield held Lapslie’s lid firmly closed until the 67th minute, when he was substituted for a lesser musician. Billy Bingham and James Vennings stole his bow.

Another Brick in the Wall. It’s two clean sheets in a row for Bromley’s back line who looked strong and composed, even when they weren’t. Chris Bush took the sponsor’s man-of-the-match award for his strong, progressive performance, Byron Webster sat and marshalled the line with great authority, and Omar Sowunmi pressed forward and threw his high-seated head into danger repeatedly, taking a powerful shot square in the face for his troubles.

To cap it all, Reice Charles-Cook once again looked unbeatable, adding fine footwork and distribution to his solid shot-stopping. A flying save from a Brett McGavin piledriver in the second half was a particular highlight. Perhaps the money Bromley have set aside to loan an U23 stopper from Southampton or a fifth-choice chuffer from Chelsea could be saved for a rainy day?

Honourable Mentions. Louis Dennis scored a banger and looked pumped, ‘nuff said. Actually, it isn’t. Similar to Saturday’s scoreless draw with Altrincham, Louis’ arrival as a second half substitute pushed Corey Whitely to left wing back. Unlike Saturday, however, instead of stepping on each other’s toes on the left flank, they dovetailed dangerously and used their shared nous to harass a tiring Torquay defence.

Say what you like about Corey Whitely as a left wing back, but having the flexibility to play well in two positions will, I sense, be a vital component in Bromley’s tactics this season. The boy can tackle too! He robbed the ball from Torquay on several occasions, releasing quite a bit of tension. Here’s hoping Corey doesn’t leave his butt imprint on the treatment table at any point this season.

The Bad

Bingham Broken. Bromley’s midfield metronome, Billy Bingham, limped off with a leg injury on 78 minutes. It could’ve been a touch of cramp, he tried to play through it after all, but I sense he called it a night for good reason. Compared to his injury-hit Gillingham days, Billy’s had a pretty good run of it with Bromley. But during the short absences he’s suffered at Hayes Lane, his presence has been sorely missed.

In a scenario where Billy misses some games, who steps into his size nines? So far, we’ve only seen James Vennings as a midfield mischief-maker, scuttling and scurrying like a rat escaping an alleyway full of hungry cats. Does he have a maestro’s wand in his locker, too?

Then there’s Ethan Coleman. We’ve only seen glimpses of his work so far, but he’s considered to be a talented holding midfielder. Could Coleman cut the mustard in that role? (Not even sorry.)

Missed Chances. Bromley won by a single goal, but it was a game that was begging for a sweat-wicking second. Chances went begging. Lots of them. Paradoxically, this was the exact opposite of the problem in Saturday’s goalless draw, but it was still a problem.

For all of his heroics, George Alexander failed to find the net despite having several succulent opportunities. He earned those opportunities, boy did he earn them, but developing that killer instinct is a must with Adam Marriott lurking on his shoulder. Michael Cheek missed trickier chances but he’ll be particularly aggrieved to have been pulled down while through on goal; Cheeky scores those one-on-ones.

Elsewhere, free headers were flying over the bar, Torquay were throwing themselves selflessly in front of shots, and Corey Whitley smashed the post from distance late on. If only the ground staff had set the goalposts a little to the right! On another night, with some sharper finishing, it might’ve been a five or six goal return.

The Ugly

Lounge Left Lounging. Hayes Lane’s newly anointed sponsors/members bar, The Ravens Lounge, had eleven people in it at half-time. Eleven. I counted them. Because I’m sad, clearly.

I watched on as a steady stream of unknowing fans were politely rebuffed at the door by a high-vis guardian. Roughly half of them walked on to Broomfields to await their late-to-the-party fate. The others simply gave up on the idea of a half-time pint.

If it carries on in this vein, it’s just possible that a good dollop of the cash those sponsors put into the club will evaporate in the lost earnings of the bar they’re taking up. Solution? Give them a VIP area (the duct-taped banquettes at the back, for example) and a VIP section of the bar. The remaining space can go to thirsty fans. Can’t we all just get along?

However, to be fair, I didn’t make it to Broomfields or Bear Island to count heads. If you were there, what were the queues like? Did you feel the burden of an empty bar elsewhere? Maybe not. Maybe the loss of the Ravens Bar is immaterial. It seems to me, though, that the space and its staff are a little wasted on eleven people.

In Summary. To drastically misquote a Norwegian football commentator: “Peter Cook, Helen Chamberlain, Basil Fawlty… Your boys could’ve taken one hell of a beating! You didn’t, but you could have.” The three points are Bromley’s, that’s what matters. Hopefully this positive performance can be a launch pad for more to come.

Speaking of Basil Fawlty, Donald Sinclair, the irate hotelier who inspired John Cleese to create Fawlty Towers, died in a most Basil Fawlty way. Once you’ve finished re-reading this piece to absorb every last syllable, here’s a link to the wiki snippet describing Donald’s death. That gem was sourced from a Roger Lewis article in The Spectator, Perfecting the art of rudeness. There’s your coffee break reading sorted. If you like that sort of thing.

From Bromley with love

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